My Footstool To Fame

Alright, guys. I have a new idea for a soda flavor. Hear me out on this one! Just the name is gonna make this one a winner. It's catchy, yet subtle. In-your-face, yet recessive. Clever, yet simple. Black, yet white. Cobra, yet GI Joe. Anyways, here it is. I'm dropping the bomb. Ready?

Vanilla Slice. YEAH! Think about it! Every time they hear "Ice, Ice Baby" they'll want to drink Vanilla Slice cuz it reminds them of Vanilla Ice. Every time they watch Ninja Turtles II, they'll drink Vanilla Slice throughout the entire moo-v because Vanilla Ice sings "Ninja Rap" at the end. Every time they buy something they don't need they'll drink Vanilla Slice because Vanilla Ice bought plenty of stuff he didn't need because of the money he got from "Ice, Ice Baby". When they become depressed they'll drink Vanilla Slice because Vanilla Ice became depressed when he spent all of his money he got from "Ice, Ice Baby" on things he didn't need and lost it all. Every time they buy a house they'll drink Vanilla Slice because Vanilla Ice got all of his money back from renting out his real estate that he bought with the money he got from "Ice, Ice Baby". Finally, every time they watch MTV they'll drink Vanilla Slice because Vanilla Ice is on there from time to time to talk about how he got all the money he spent from "Ice, Ice Baby" back because he rented out real estate.

I'm telling you, guys, it can't fail! You may laugh now, or later, or you may not laugh at all. If I were to market this, the rubbing motion between my thumb and my index and middle fingers would not be in vain! However, I am far too lazy and I have no idea how to put vanilla in cake batter, much less soda. So, if they come out with that flavor, all of you who read this display of brilliance on my part will know that they stole it from me. As a matter of fact, if you steal it, I will eat your soul. And just to spite you, I'll learn how to add vanilla to it.